This may seem a slightly odd question; of course things will get better as time goes on. But does it actually get easier, or do you just get used to what has become the new “normal”?
We have now got through all the “firsts” – Christmas, Birthday, the random dates you remember for no obvious reason, the anniversaries of Russell’s death and funeral. So what now? It really has been a strange year, not only have we had to come to terms with losing Russell, but in less than a year we also had to say goodbye both his grandmothers as well.
So, now we really have got through all the firsts for Russell and his grandmothers, it is a time to think about what happens next. We have got used to not expecting him to call round, to phone or text, but its a bit harder knowing that these things will never happen again. It’s not a bad dream that we can wake up from; we have to get used to it. But we still have all those memories, and the things he left behind. I am so glad now that we didn’t chuck away all the school exercise books, the cards and the drawings.
We would like to share with you some memories that will hopefully make you smile; maybe you also have some of your own that you can share with us.
The phone call/text asking to borrow a tenner (or more) until Friday – we all know that Russell’s calendar didn’t have any Fridays!
The phone call at 2am –“Can you pick me up?” “Where are you?” “I don’t know!” Needless to say, he always managed to get home eventually.
Russell hurtling excitedly into the house, brandishing a CD saying “You must listen to this!!!” only to find it had been in our record collection for at least the past 30 years – Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Lynyrd Skynyrd – the list is endless.
The holiday where he took two pairs of shoes but no shoelaces. (see below!)
The damage to the washing machine caused by washing too many nails and screws. I had got used to the rattle of hardware being washed clean.
“Spare a shekel for an ex-leper!”
The day John let him play with a screwdriver when he was about 3 years old – he removed all the downstairs radiator valves and the back door handle.
The panic-session every time he mislaid his passport/wallet/keys/hat etc.
The time he said he was staying at a friend’s house but then came home in the middle of the night, and could only get in the back door but no further, so slept on the utility room floor. He didn’t wake up even when I started screaming that we had a dead burglar in the house.
The way he could always make you smile even when you were really annoyed with him.
As well as all the memories there are also the odd things that keep turning up where you least expect them. Guitar plectrums, half-used carpenters’ pencils, nails and screws, and of course, the passport, wallet (minus that tenner of course!) and keys. Then there are the songs that suddenly brighten up a drive to work; Born to Run, Live Forever, Wonderwall, Tiny Dancer, anything by Johnny Cash – there is always something to remind us of Russell.
So, to go back to the question – will it get easier? Haven’t got a clue, but as long as we’ve got the memories, we’ll get through.